Lily Has a Crush on Greg Sanders
by J. Anderson
Summary: When the new TV show CSI threatens to completely absorb Lily's attentions, James realizes some desperate action needs to be taken.


There was a loud crack followed by the sound of the front door being opened and slammed shut. Sirius calmly sipped his morning coffee and flipped to a new page in his newspaper. A few moments later, James entered the kitchen and dragged his feet over to the counter where he yawned and helped himself to coffee.

"Hey Padfoot."

"So early? What's the occasion, my friend?"

"No occasion. And it's 11:30, Padfoot."

Sirius folded up his newspaper and looked up at James. He regarded him for a number of seconds before chuckled knowingly.

"Alright, what's wrong? Is it Lily, work, or Lily?"

"What do you mean? Everything's ok," James replied nonchalantly, taking a large gulp of coffee and promptly choking on it. After a prolonged coughing fit and swallowing more coffee to clear his throat, he sighed deeply. "How do you always know?"

"Ah James, ever since we were lads you were never able to hide a thing from me. I can read you like a book. When you apparated just outside my door, the sounding crack was loud and penetrating, indicating weariness and frustration; you're hair is sticking up even more than usual, which means you tossed and turned in your sleep last night and was too tired this morning to put a grooming charm on it; your eyes are bloodshot, further proving the fact that you experienced a night of insomnia, and you missed the third button on your shirt."

James leaned back on the kitchen counter and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his friend. "Something's weird. Why are you smart?"

"Har har. Now did you come here for my excellent advice or for my excellent coffee?"

"Ok, here's the thing," James sighed, "You know how muggles sometimes like to watch a picture box for entertainment? Well, when we got the flat, Lily insisted that we have a TV set, and the thing seems to have put her under some sort of spell! I swear mate, she is glued to that screen when I get home from work at the ministry, and on Fridays, late into the night too! When it's turned on it's like I'm not there. What am I supposed to do to win the attention of my own spouse!" James gestured wildly to show that he was at a loss and looked imploringly at Sirius like he was his last hope.

Sirius took a long drink from his mug and seemed reluctant to answer his friend. After mulling it over, he broke it as gently as he could:

"It's CSI, my friend."

James stared like he had just swallowed a goldfish.

"What?"

"Yes, it's a TV show about these really smart forensic guys that solve gross murders. During the summer they play reruns – "

"Reruns? Is that why they're on 5 times a day?"

"Well no, that would have to be because CSI is currently the top-rated show, half the universe watches it. So you see, when you look at it in context, Lily's not so crazy as you think."

"Context can rot – this can't be healthy," James muttered, shaking his head. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Sirius. "Wait, since when have you become the expert on muggle pop culture? How do you know all this?"

Sirius shrugged. I came over one night and you and Moony were at the quidditch match, so I watched a few episodes with Lily.

"You SAW the show!" James let out a strangled growl, suggesting that he felt betrayed.

"Words can't explain how betrayed I feel, Padfoot! 'Cable TV' (and here James used angry air quotes) is solely responsible for ruining my life!"

"Now you're just being a drama queen," Sirius smirked, "Just because you're not getting as much action as you'd like –"

"Hey mate, don't go there," James warned, as he started to leave. "My marriage is a sacred thing … and yes, that's part of it." He let the door slam shut behind him and a few seconds later…

CRAAACK!

"OOhh, baby, we have got to work on your volume! Every time you leave or arrive my ears don't stop ringing for half an hour," Lily groaned as she put her arms around her husband's neck and drew him in for a kiss. He had apparated within a foot of where she stood in their kitchen.

"Sorry honey," James answered with a lopsided grin, wondering vaguely when the last time was that she'd kissed him like that.

"What kept you at Sirius's? Anyway, we're meeting my mother for lunch in muggle London in thirty minutes; you'd better get changed and brush your hair or she'll ask my why I don't take better care of you,"

"Alright then. Any excuse to get you out of the living room and away from the TV is good enough for me," James said, half jokingly, and obligingly went upstairs to make himself presentable.

Within the next fifteen minutes, they were out the door and soon found themselves walking down a tree-lined cobblestone street to where they were supposed to meet Lily's mother. They walked hand in hand, strolling slowly to enjoy the rare sun warming their skin and the relaxed atmosphere of summer. Soon they arrived at the corner café and got seated at a table on the patio; then the waitress left them alone with their menus.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"You're beautiful," James grinned, watching as a smile grew on her face and deftly catching the sugar packet she threw at him.

"You got me to say 'I do', now stop flirting."

"What, I can't compliment my own wife?"

Lily rolled her eyes and went back to studying the menu, but grabbed his hand on the table affectionately. During their walk earlier on, James couldn't help but love the way Lily's hair shone in the sun and now, sitting here, was amazed all over again that they were married. This epiphany occurred to him only every once in a while.

"Why don't we do this more? There's always a summertime lull at the ministry, we should take advantage of it and get out more often," James suggested.

"Mm, today _is_ nice," Lily agreed, stretching her legs out under the table.

Suddenly and with a definite yet gentle 'pop', an elegant witch appeared on the other side of the road and smiled warmly when she saw Lily and James.

"Oh my dears, you should have gone ahead and ordered without me!" Mrs. Evans said, coming up to them and greeting Lily with a kiss. James pulled out her seat for her and she kissed him affectionately on the cheek as well.

"It's been ages since I saw you both. How are things at work, James? I ask Lily, but she always elaborates no further than 'fine' so that her father and I don't worry." Mrs. Evans remarked, turning her face towards James with a warm smile.

"In fact Lily's right, things are very slow right now. No movement from either side for months. Aurors have paid leave though, so not to worry." James responded dutifully.

"This Auror business, so unpredictable. Harold and I were leaning towards Lily becoming something more – ah – conventional, like a records person at Gringotts or even a counter-charm healer at the hospital, but she said to us, 'mum, dad, I can do whatever my husband can do'." Mrs. Evans said, looking at them both with pride and a trace of wistfulness. James chuckled at this.

"Oh mum, I've told you a thousand times, this Auror business is a lot less dangerous than you and daddy think. And I didn't do it because of James – don't you go giving him too much credit." Lily stated, winking at her husband. He made a face at her when Mrs. Evans wasn't looking.

Once they had placed their orders, Lily and her mother began a string of overlapping chatter, catching up on news about their side of the family, trading cookie recipes and such. James silently regarded these two women who were so close and could find traces of resemblance, from the gentle slope of their noses to the way they sat in a chair to the pitching of their voices, one only slightly lower than the other. Eventually their food came, and the conversation turned to more general topics.

"Oh!" Mrs. Evans suddenly cried as they were halfway through lunch. James looked up, alarmed at the tone of her voice, but she turned to Lily, wide-eyed.

"Did you _see_?"

A look of understanding came upon Lily's face. "Yes."

"What did you think?"

"Oh my gosh, mum! It was crazy! I didn't know WHAT they were going to do with the whole fan connected to the light and the crazy father blowing himself up and the ants… and they throw in that other bomb at the end!"

"I know! What a way to end things."

"Poor Nicky!"

"Whoaaa, who's _Nicky_?" James asked, leaning across the table. He wasn't sure what to think. If there was someone blowing himself up with bombs, it seemed like they were being a tad to casual.

"Nick _Stokes, _dear, the handsome guy who always works on the cars. I know, it's a little easy to get him confused with the other cutie on the show, oh what's his name –"

James was getting officially worried now and fidgeted nervously.

"Oh mum, he doesn't watch it," Lily explained quickly.

Mrs. Evans turned to him with a gasp. "Oh honey! You're behind on the times! Not watch CSI? Oh dear, how DO you spend your time?"

_Constructively_, James was tempted to add, but kept his mouth shut.

The rest of lunch flew by pleasantly enough, in James' opinion, after Lily and her mother ran out of episode fodder to gab about. Quite soon, they paid the bill and Mrs. Evans kissed them both affectionately on the cheek and apparated away, with the promise of "another chat" soon.

Later that evening, James sat under the covers of the bed in deep contemplation. "Hey honey?" He called out. Lily emerged from bathroom and cocked her head at him with toothpaste still in her mouth. "How do you like the name Steve?"

She thoughtfully gave her teeth another once over, retreated into the bathroom, spat, rinsed, came back out and replied, "It doesn't suite you."

"What about for a baby?"

"Not unless the baby is 42 and has a beer belly," Lily giggled, "Why?" She climbed under the covers beside him and yawned deliciously as she settled against his chest.

"I was just thinking… I know we haven't really talked about kids, but I think I'm ready to be a dad! If he's a boy, I'll teach him to be the fastest flyer on the block. And if she's a girl, well… a fast flyer _and_ a heartbreaker." He grinned goofily and kissed the top of Lily's head. "Most of all I want to raise _our_ kid." As James said this, he tilted Lily's head up so he could look into her eyes. The look in his betrayed his true earnestness. He couldn't think of anything better than to build a family around the person who was his whole world; to have a son or daughter who would love their mother as much as he loved her.

Lily smiled gently. "James, you know it would make me incredibly ecstatic to have our child. And one day we will. It's going to happen, but we've barely got settled into these good jobs for a year. I think that we should have some stability first before we bring a baby into the picture."

"You're right. I just get excited at the idea, that's all," James smiled.

Lily ran her hands through his hair lovingly and leaned into him in for a deep kiss. James surrendered himself to the feeling of absolute bliss that threatened to overwhelm him each time Lily was close and secured in his arms. When they broke apart they were both slightly breathless from the heat of the kiss and James was _definitely_ ready for more.

Lily sat up with a satisfied grin and proceeded to hop out of the bed they were snuggled in and, sticking her feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers, pecked her husband on the nose and pulled on a sweater.

"Wh-where are you going?" James stuttered, confused.

"It's the midnight marathon on tonight baby! Don't worry, I wouldn't want to keep you up. Goodnight!"

James stared in disbelief. "Why don't you make some popcorn while you're at it?"

"I already brushed my teeth!"

With that, Lily bounded down the stairs to turn on the TV.

Upstairs, James flopped back onto the bed and lay immobile, staring at the ceiling. "Must stay calm… must be reasonable… it's only a show." Frustrated, he put a pillow over his face and screamed into it. He decided that night that CSI was going _down._


End file.
